Posted 9 April 2019 by Sal
Waiting for Enlightenment
Transcribed from an Open Meeting, by Erica Mulford
Inquirer: When there is no mental commentary . . . just silence, there’s just nothing there. There doesn’t seem to be awareness consciously aware of itself. There’s just . . .
That’s it, you can stop right there. There’s just . . . (silence). That’s right, all of those words have to go. You’re getting the message very clearly, those words mean nothing. I use words, but then I always say, “now throw those words out,” and what you’re left with is . . . nothing. And then guess what? Throw that word out too. You even said, “then there’s only silence,” and guess what? Throw that word out too. And then there’s just…
(Laughs) The funny thing is, that’s obvious, that’s so obvious, but there’s still a waiting happening . . . . still a waiting for it to be something else.
There’s only a habit of waiting for something. You didn’t say it this way, but there’s the belief that there’s someone in there waiting. In other words, the waiting is just a habit of mind and we mistakenly believe there’s someone who has the habit of mind. When we have a thought, we think, “I’m having a thought” or “I am waiting.” In actuality, there’s no “I” that’s having the thought and no “I” that’s waiting. There’s only the habit of mind. So, when that habit goes, “you” (the fictitious self) go because “you” are only that thought.
Well, it’s obvious to me that even the feeling of there being a “me” throughout the whole of eternity has only ever been fleeting anyway. It hasn’t been there all the time, it’s just a feeling and a thought. It seems to rapidly have less and less interest, and yet I can see what you’re saying…
Let’s be openly knowing here together, or in other words, on a holiday.
Be openly knowing.
There’s no separate “I” that’s knowing,
there’s only knowing.
You are not separate from knowing,
you are knowing.
Is that clear for you?
Yes, it is clear.
Is there any waiting in that?
Okay. So, what is the waiting? It’s just a habitual thought or sensation of the body. But you (essential nature) know that sensation or thought, don’t you? Like you know the sound of my voice and anything in the room. You know all of it. You also know the waiting. So, that waiting is not you, is it?
There’s nothing to do, get rid of, change, figure out, or anything like that. The only thing is to know thyself and be thyself, which is knowing. Just be that, be who you are.
The habit of waiting will end by itself. In one way, I say that because it’s true. In another way, look now, and see that it doesn’t matter. What I say is freedom is only, ever, always now. Freedom is only, ever, always now. It doesn’t even matter if that waiting ever ends, you see now that it’s already over.
Is there any need to wait to get to this?
The waiting is just waiting for some idea of something else.
I can feel that there’s some kind of belief that there is something else . . .
Exactly, something more. “Enlightenment” is a very, very big word, isn’t it? It’s huge, at least 200 bold font. There are all of these ideas that are put into the brain from books, videos, etc. Then, when we recognize what’s true, it’s just too simple. It can’t be nothing. It has to be something because all of the words in the books say a lot of things . . . that it is something. When we see what’s true, we can’t deny it. What’s true is true, isn’t it? Nothing, here and now. You can’t deny it. But then, there’s a momentum of habit that says, “this isn’t it, it can’t be this no-thing.”
The habit, which consists of ideas and impressions from all the books you have ever read, has nothing to do with you. It’s as if you opened your head, which is empty, put a bunch of books in there, closed your head and said, “I have a lot of ideas.” No, (Sal laughs) you have no ideas, none of the ideas are yours.
What I’m experiencing is that the ideas seem to be getting more and more subtle. There are thoughts that are obvious, and those can be pushed aside and ignored easily. Then, I see that there are little thoughts that arise and attention just goes to them automatically with no hesitation. And I only realize that happened when I come back to silence, when I come back to a holiday.
Right, that’s true. And let’s go a little bit further. Here and now, we’re on holiday together, right?
All of the gross and subtle ideas that are in your head
weren’t there when you came out of the womb, were they?
And when you came out of the womb,
you didn’t know you had a head.
How would you know?
You didn’t know you had two little eyes,
it was just a big open space of nothing,
in which everything was appearing.
See that it’s still the same, now.
What happened over the years was that all of these samskaras (mental impressions) were recorded in the brain . . . millions and billions of them. A lot of them have to do with spiritual seeking. And they weren’t there originally, were they? So, they’re not yours, are they?
You don’t own any of those, you didn’t create any of them, and you didn’t have anything to do with them, right? So, looking now, aren’t you the same now as you were then . . . nothing, empty?
The head is only all of those samskaras, that’s all the head is. Looking now . . . what head?
The head that I chop off is the head of all of that, the whole life of samskaras. That head is gone. Look, now.
You said you were going to come and have your head chopped off (both laughing).